You Can Change (7) - Why I don't change

This week's chapter looked at three broad reasons why people often don't change:

1. Proud self-reliance


2. Proud self-justification (excusing, minimising, hiding sin)


3. Hating the consequences of the sin, but not the sin itself.

As I read it, a lot of it resonated with me - particularly from the second category (proud self-justification), so I'm going to focus on that:

Excusing

I can definitely make a lot of excuses for my anxiety - and some of those are very real. I do come from an extended family of worriers (including some with severe anxiety/depression). I do get affected by lack of sleep and biological factors seem to feed my negative feelings. But while these factors are genuine, they aren't an excuse for the times that I fall into a pattern of not trusting the goodness of God and get anxious about my life. All it means is that I will need to fight harder against this sin than others who haven't inherited the same genetic material as me, or don't need as much sleep!**

Minimising

It is easy to minimise the seriousness of anxiety. One of the reasons is that it doesn't feel like a 'bad' thing to do. In fact, I think in my mixed up mind I often think of my anxiety as if it was a good thing - e.g. worrying about my kids comes from my fierce love for them and a desire to protect them; people who don't worry constantly about the kids obviously don't love them as much as I do, and so on... And then there's the invisibility of anxiety: because it's not an outward action but a state of mind (that is saying to God 'I don't trust your good and perfect plans'), it becomes so much easier to minimise its seriousness.

Hiding

I think I am very proud, and don't like to admit to my sin. The section of the chapter about hiding sin from others described me exactly. This does all come back to pride. I don't want people think less of me. I'm afraid that if I show weakness the other person will hold that against me. It will give them a good reason to think that I am more sinful than they are.

Having said this, I did appreciate the fact that Tim Chester did go on to say in this chapter that it isn't always appropriate that you go around telling a huge circle of people that you struggle with a particular sin. But we should be confessing to those we are accountable to.

I'm not sure that it will always be helpful for me or for the other person if I am always blabbing about my anxiety issues and the particular things I am anxious about. One reason is that with this type of sin, people tend to jump in quickly and do the minimising for you. And another reason is that it could be destabilising for the other person; like some other sins, worry can be contagious! (Jean and Simone have had some great conversations about this from time to time that are worth a read!)

Going to the cross

The key to change, the way to overcome all these barriers, is to go continually to the cross:

A changing life is a cross-centred life. At the cross we see the source of our sanctification (Ephesians 5:25; Colossians 1:22; Titus 2:14). We find hope, for we see the power of sin broken and the old nature put to death. We see ourselves united to Christ and bought by his blood. We see the glorious grace of God, dying for his enemies, the righteous for the unrighteous. We see our hope, our life, our resources, our joy. At the cross we find the grace, power and delight in God we need to overcome sin. If we don't come to the cross again and again, we'll feel distant from God, disconnected from his power and indifferent to his glory - and that is a recipe for sin.

...

When we go to the cross, we see our God dying for us. If you let any other god down, then it will beat you up. If you live for other people's approval or your career or possessions or control or anything else and you don't make it or you mess up, then you'll be left feeling afraid, downcast or bitter. But when you let Christ down, he loves you still. He doesn't beat you up; he dies for you.

Let his love win you love and let that love replace all other affections. The secret of change is to renew your love for Christ as you see him crucified in your place. (pp.138-9)

** I do however, think that if the anxiety is severe, it is worth addressing any physical factors that have lead to anxiety/depression. In the past I've used anti-depressant medication and found it helpful in getting back to a point where I could address the triggers of my anxiety. At the moment, I'm also trying to balance my hormones because there are points in my monthly cycle where I struggle more. Exercise and eating well, and getting enough sleep are also things I've found useful.