You Can Change (6) Learning I'm not the centre of the universe!

The title for this week's post is my own creation. The actual title of the chapter I read this week was: 'What desires do you need to turn from?'. In this chapter, Tim Chester argues that we sin because we desire or worship idols instead of worshipping God. Often the things we make into idols are good things: marriage, kids, food, sex. But he writes that: "a good thing can become a 'god-thing' if it eclipses God, if the gift matters more to us than the Giver" (p.114).

I liked the fact that Tim Chester encouraged the reader not to go on an 'idol hunt' all the time, obsessively exploring every motive for every action. (That answered some of my questions I raised a couple of weeks ago.) Instead, he argues, it's a useful exercise when you "see the bad fruit of sinful behaviour and negative emotions in your life" (p.120).

I found it a very helpful exercise to sit down and think about what idols I might have in my life that are leading me to sin (by the way, the questions at the end of all the chapters are very useful!). I needed to repent of a tendency to make my children and marriage into idols at times, and I came away with a fresh resolve to fight against this temptation. But it was this paragraph that I found got to the guts of the issue for me (hence the post title):

Our problem is that we think of ourselves as being at the centre of our world. We think of our lives as a story and, if we're Christians, God is one of the character in our story. We look for him when we need him, and expect him to be grateful when we serve him. He's a lovely piece of our story, but we still think of it as our story. But it's not our story. It's God's story. Of course there is a sense in which God is there for us. But the bigger reality is that we're there for God. We exist to give him glory. He doesn't owe us anything, not even explanations. Meanwhile, we owe him everything as our Creator and Redeemer.

It's so much better to be a minor character in God's story that to try to write our own script. Living with God at the centre is the good and sane life. It's better to enjoy the warmth of the sun than to light a bonfire in our home. It's better to reflect the glory of God than to be consumed by the empty pursuit of our own glory.

...This new God-centred perspective is both humbling and liberating. It's humbling because it puts us in our place. We're not the centre of the world. We're not even the centre of our world. But it's also liberating. We no longer need to try continually to be in control. We can let God be God. Our reputation is no longer what matters. We're no longer controlled by the approval or rejection of others. We're free to serve others in love (p.116).

I think this will be a lesson that will take me a while to learn, but in this past week, I have already started feeling liberated from my anxiety. The most helpful thing, practically speaking, in this chapter was what he says about starting habits. I've come to the realisation that I fuel my worry. I let myself meditate on things, situations and possibilities that aren't helpful. This past week, I've tried to get into a new habit. Whenever the beginnings of an anxious train of thought starts: 'did I say the wrong thing there?', 'what did that person mean when she said that?', etc etc, I've tried to shut it down immediately. I've told myself I don't have the option of worrying about it, so I may as well save myself the trouble. I've reminded myself that I'm not the centre of the world. I can't say honestly that I've been completely successful in my habit changing strategies, but am noticing the beginnings of change. And for a worrier like me, that is a real encouragement.

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