From the Archives: The House of Mourning

My friend Cathy has been writing some beautiful posts about the experience of supporting some friends of hers through the grief that comes with the loss of a child. She's written about the sadness and blessing that have come through the birth and death of her friends' child. It reminded me of some thoughts I had after seeing a friend who had lost a child earlier this year. I wrote about it in this post.

Last week I got to see my friend whose baby boy died suddenly last year. She lives a long way away and it was wonderful to see her. We talked about how we were going, my life as a lecturer's wife, churches in the country and of course we talked about little Josiah and her grief. We only had a little bit of a chance to catch up, but as I drove home I was thinking about how blessed I was from that hour with her. Since then I've been thinking about this verse from Ecclesiastes 7:4:

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.

It's hard to be around someone who is suffering so intensely. To lose a child is every parent's worst nightmare and to see a friend endure such pain makes the possibility seem every bit more real. It's a whole lot easier to just hang out all the time with the happy laughing people in the house of mirth. But as the writer of Ecclesiastes says, you learn wisdom in the house of mourning.

I was blessed through my talk with Amy because I was reminded that this life is short and what matters is the life beyond it - in the language of Psalm 90, I learned a bit more about how to 'number my days'. I was reminded that my yearning for heaven is not as intense as it should be as I listened to her talk about her hope of seeing Josiah again when she gets there. I could see in her life a worked example of how God does not let us go in the worst of trials.And as I drove home with my three healthy children in the backseat, thinking about the hole in Amy's family, suddenly my trivial concerns and worries seemed so insignificant. No, more than that, they seemed downright self-indulgent.

It's tempting to avoid the house of mourning - to avoid those difficult conversations with those we know are hurting because it 'may upset them'. But how often are we really just worried it will upset us? Solomon reminds us to walk right in to that house, sit down and love and listen and learn.

(Pic by Maurizio Blasetti)

Read more...

It's "Archive week"

Since it's the first week of the school holidays, and I'm in need of a bit of rest, I'm taking a blogging break this week. I'm hoping that the week's break at the beach and more time spent reading and thinking, and in long conversations with my husband and kids might also make for some better writing when I get back too!

So this week, I've planned to bring some of my old posts out of the archives. If you've been reading from the beginning, you've probably already read them, but they'll be 'new' to some of you.

Next week, (after the long weekend) I'll be back at my computer.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this little journey through the archives...

Pic from Dreamstime.

Read more...

Poetry Monday

I think the force he has in mind is probably 'nature', in some kind of pantheistic sense. But I still love the poem. It's a little bit Psalm 90-ish is some ways.





The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
by Dylan Thomas

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees
Is my destroyer.
And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose
My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.

The force that drives the water through the rocks
Drives my red blood; that dries the mouthing streams
Turns mine to wax.
And I am dumb to mouth unto my veins
How at the mountain spring the same mouth sucks.

The hand that whirls the water in the pool
Stirs the quicksand; that ropes the blowing wind
Hauls my shroud sail.
And I am dumb to tell the hanging man
How of my clay is made the hangman's lime.

The lips of time leech to the fountain head;
Love drips and gathers, but the fallen blood
Shall calm her sores.
And I am dumb to tell a weather's wind
How time has ticked a heaven round the stars.

And I am dumb to tell the lover's tomb
How at my sheet goes the same crooked worm.

From The Poems of Dylan Thomas, published by New Directions.
Pic by aussiegall

Read more...

Pouring our lives out...

I've been feeling a little exhausted lately - no real surprises there, I know why I'm tired. But what is interesting, and has caused me a bit of thought lately is that whenever I get like this, I start to berate myself for allowing myself to 'get run down'. Whenever I get sick, or overwhelmed, or tired, it almost feels like I've failed somehow. But have I failed? I'm not so sure. While I think we should be wise in how we treat our bodies, I'm just not sure if my ultimate aim is to avoid that feeling of exhaustion at all costs.

I listened to a sermon recently about the woman who poured perfume on Jesus' feet in Mark 14:1-11. Here's what the preacher said along the way about what he and his wife have as their aim in life: "We want to die weary but satisfied. We want to have spent a life poured out, exhausted, but into the right things. That is what your life is for. It's there to be lived, given, and devoted to something."

And Gordon Cheng recently shared a wonderful quote by CH Spurgeon which expressed a similar sentiment:

If I have any message to give from my own bed of sickness it would be this—if you do not wish to be full of regrets when you are obliged to lie still, work while you can. If you desire to make a sick bed as soft as it can be, do not stuff it with the mournful reflection that you wasted time while you were in health and strength. People said to me years ago, “You will break your constitution down with preaching ten times a week,” and the like. Well, if I have done so, I am glad of it. I would do the same again. If I had fifty constitutions I would rejoice to break them down in the service of the Lord Jesus Christ. You young men that are strong, overcome the wicked one and fight for the Lord while you can. You will never regret having done all that lies in you for our blessed Lord and Master. Crowd as much as you can into every day, and postpone no work till to-morrow. “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.” (Ecc 9:10).

(From ‘For the Sick and Afflicted’.)

I think the Christian life is a little like marathon in this respect. You need to pace yourself so you can make it to the finish line, but if you are serious about the race, you will still be running.

Our lives are given to us to be poured out. And what a wonderful privilege to "pour out" your life for Jesus, who poured out his life for us!

Painting is "Mary Magdalene anointing Jesus' feet", by Nicolas Poussin from allposters.com

Read more...

My "Yearbook" photos...

I had a bit of fun at this site last night (thanks Kris!). I would have kept going, except Dave finally told me to stop!!

1962

1966

1976

1984

Some of these look a bit too 'real' for my liking!

Read more...

Husband material

I've written a few thoughts at The Sola Panel today in response to Mark Driscoll's many comments during his Sydney visit on what it takes for a 20-something year old adolescent to grow up and become a man:

As part of the extended Driscoll post-mortem (well, he's not dead, but you know what I mean!) I thought I'd contribute a few thoughts on one of the themes that came up again and again, in almost every talk he gave everywhere, and usually several times in the same talk: his challenge to the 'late-blooming' young men of Sydney to grow up and take some responsibility. The basic formula was move out of home, get a job, buy a house, get married and plant a church - in that order.

Along with many other women in Sydney, I was rejoicing to hear someone having a go at the job of jolting the Peter Pans of our churches out of their extended adolescence. (Not for my own sake, of course - I'm very happy with the husband God gave me! - but for the many single Christian women I know who are looking not for a buddy or a boyfriend but for a good and godly husband.) In the words of one single friend: "It's about time someone said something to the men in this country!! :)"

I'm also glad that he made his challenge concrete and sharp and funny and memorable. He didn't just give us an abstract idea or a general principle - he gave us something tangible, practical, specific for the men to step up to.

I'm just not sure that the tangible, practical, specific things that he focused on were the right ones...

You can read the rest here.

Read more...

Exploring the Bible

Last week I asked for suggestions for materials and ideas to help kids read their Bibles for themselves. There were lots of good ideas, many of which I think I'll incorporate in some way or another (thank you!!). One suggestion (from Jean), that I also had other friends mention to me in person was the XTB (Explore the Bible) notes. So, I had a look on the Matthias Media site, and ordered a couple that were still available (sadly, many were out of stock), plus the corresponding Table Talk notes (designed to be done as a family). They arrived very quickly and so far the kids are loving them. Jacob is devouring the XTB notes, and he loves all the extra activities, eg. cracking codes etc, that are included. All 3 kids are enjoying the 'Table Talk' notes over breakfast with Dave.

So thanks for the recommendations, and judging on the first week's evidence, I think I'll add my own recommendation for XTB notes - they're brilliant!

Read more...

Poetry...on a Tuesday...

I think this is even better than Dylan Thomas.

Read more...

Battling the Unbelief of Anxiety

I've been working my way through John Piper's sermon series "Battling Unbelief" and have just listened to his talk "Battling the Unbelief of Anxiety". The sermon, based on Matt 6:25-34, is about how anxiety often stems from unbelief:

The verse that makes the root of anxiety explicit is verse 30: "But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothes you, O men of little faith?" In other words Jesus says that the root of anxiety is lack of faith in our heavenly Father. As unbelief gets the upper hand in our hearts, one of the results is anxiety.

I'm a person who has always struggled with anxiety, but until recently I don't think I've been 'fighting' it as I should. At times I've almost nurtured my anxiety. What I loved about this sermon was that John Piper gave me a clear idea of how Scripture and the Holy Spirit work together in this fight:

...you deal with anxieties by battling unbelief. And you battle unbelief by meditating on God's Word and asking for the help of his Spirit. The windshield wipers are the promises of God that clear away the mud of unbelief. And the windshield washer fluid is the help of the Holy Spirit.

Without the softening work of the Holy Spirit the wipers of the Word just scrape over the blinding clumps of unbelief. Both are necessary—the Spirit and the Word. We read the promises of God and we pray for the help of his Spirit. And as the windshield clears so we can see the welfare that God plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11), our belief grows strong and the swerving of anxiety smoothes out.

What I need to do next is to memorise some of the verses he mentions at the end of talk. And next time I'm tempted to let that worry roll around and around in my mind, I'm going to remind myself of God and his promises.

Pics by A Shadow of my former self...and Cosmic_Donkey.

Read more...

Edith Schaeffer on kindness...

I'm continuing to blog my way through Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal, at EQUIP book club. Today's chapter is about kindness. Here's a quote I shared from Edith Schaeffer, where she talks about teaching love and compassion to children:

Often one is asked, "How does one get children to have compassion and love for others?" One important way is by demonstrating love and compassion in action, not just talking about it. I do not mean organisational action but human care, in taking time, thought, energy, imagination, and creativity to fulfil some total stranger's need. Nothing can be be given in a 'course of study' which can substitute for the day to day observation on the part of the children in the home of a mother or father who truly treat human beings as human, and not machines. It is of course costly, in time and energy. "What a waste if time!" some might remark. But the 'waste' is what brings forth the most amazing results, many of which are hidden from us in this life, results in others living in and sharing the home; and results in the unknown strangers too.

You can read my thoughts about this topic here.

Read more...

Poetry Monday

Dylan Thomas wrote this poem in response to a bomb that killed a child in London during WWII. I think he's trying to say that by refusing to use her death as an opportunity to complain and moralise, he's giving her the dignity she deserves in death. What do you think? Do you notice the way the verse sounds almost Biblical in some parts (however un-Biblical or anti-Biblical the ideas may be)? And what do you think the (famous) last line means?

If you are interested, you can listen to a recording of Dylan Thomas reading this poem - it's good stuff!

A Refusal To Mourn The Death, By Fire, Of A Child In London

Never until the mankind making
Bird beast and flower
Fathering and all humbling darkness
Tells with silence the last light breaking
And the still hour
Is come of the sea tumbling in harness

And I must enter again the round
Zion of the water bead
And the synagogue of the ear of corn
Shall I let pray the shadow of a sound
Or sow my salt seed
In the least valley of sackcloth to mourn

The majesty and burning of the child's death.
I shall not murder
The mankind of her going with a grave truth
Nor blaspheme down the stations of the breath
With any further
Elegy of innocence and youth.

Deep with the first dead lies London's daughter,
Robed in the long friends,
The grains beyond age, the dark veins of her mother,
Secret by the unmourning water
Of the riding Thames.
After the first death, there is no other.

Read more...

Meeting Evelyne...

I finally got to meet Evelyne today. Here's pic of me with my sister Louise and my new (VERY) little niece...

Read more...

The Painted Veil

Since it's almost the weekend, I thought I would recommend a movie Dave and I watched recently called The Painted Veil (based on the book by Somerset Maugham, written in the 1920s). In my opinion the film had everything you could ask for in a movie - convincing acting, intriguing plot and brilliant screenplay as well as stunning cinematography (the images of this part of China were breathtaking!). But what I liked best about the film was the way it portrayed marriage.

At the beginning of the film, married life doesn't look too attractive. The main characters, Walter and Kitty Fane (Edward Norton and Naomi Watts) marry each other hurriedly for their own (bad) reasons and move to China where Walter is working as a bacteriologist. It doesn't take long for Kitty (who is shallow and self-focussed) to get bored, and have an affair with a married British diplomat. It's not a happy picture of marriage up until this point!

What happens next is what changes the direction of the characters relationship with each other. When Walter discovers the affair, he gives her an ultimatum: either he divorces her publicly or she accompanies him to the centre of a Cholera epidemic in remote China. She has no choice but to go with him, and she does it grudgingly. At first they barely speak to each other, but after a while living in the remote mountain ranges, in the middle of a life/death situation, they both change. She volunteers at the orphanage, attached to the hospital where he is saving lives. While working hard to save the village from the cholera epidemic, they start to see each other's compassion and strength, she sees the worthiness of what he is doing with his life and wants to help him - and they fall in love with each other.

I know I've made it sound really corny, but trust me, it isn't! It is a film with real depth. At the end of the film I just couldn't believe how much I agreed with the underlying message. That happens so rarely! I'm not going to say anymore for fear I give away the ending, but I do recommend it.

Has anyone else seen it? What did you think?

Read more...

The blessed aunty

I became an Aunty again this week when my sister had a baby girl, Evelyne. My sister and I have always been close and on a normal week I would have been there within hours of her birth to congratulate my sister and see my new niece!

But this has not been a normal week.

When I found out that my sister's waters had broken on Monday (a week early), and I was still lying on the lounge feeling like I wanted to vomit, I had a sinking feeling. I knew I was going to miss out. By the time I would even get to meet my little niece, she would be well and truly home and half of Sydney would have seen her before me. And because it was all about me, I cried tears of bitter disappointment.

And then I woke up to myself. Apart from me, who was I thinking about here? If I was worried about my sister, then I could still easily congratulate her, encourage her and of course get all the gory details of the birth over the phone. And it will be next week and the week after and the week after when everyone else has gotten over the excitement and moved on that she could really do with a few visits (and meals, and babysitting and any other practical help I can give her). And if it was Evelyne - well, I hardly think she was going to notice my absence at this stage!

I'm looking forward to seeing my niece, and I think that is a good desire. But if that's all there is to my relationship with her, then I am a leech and not an aunty! I want to be the sort of person who desires to give, not just to receive - not because duty is everything and desire is irrelevant, but because (as Jesus said) it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Read more...

Teaching kids to read the Bible for themselves...

Recently, I was greatly encouraged to see Jacob going off to his room to read his Bible on his own. This isn't something that Dave and I have actively encouraged our kids to do yet. We read the Bible with each of our children at night, but I guess I thought they were a bit young to do 'quiet times'. Now I wonder if we should encourage it as a good habit to get into because they are so young. Here's Noel Piper's argument in Treasuring God in Our Traditions:

It takes only a few seconds of thought to realise that it is smarter to get a three year-old started with good lifetime habits than to spring a new regimen on a teenager. One old saying is. "As the twig is bent, so grows the tree." Wise Solomon said with the authority of Scripture: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). Why would we wait to train up our children in this essential discipline? Do we think younger children don't yet need time alone with God?

That's one of the great value of God-centred traditions: A child is learning the habits he will need as an adult. When we train our children in godly patterns, godly traditions, we're helping them get ready to move with responsibility into adulthood. I can't guarantee that my children will move seamlessly from the "Bible time" I schedule for them as children into personal devotions of their own initiative as teenagers and adults. But the steadiness of a daily childhood habit is a good basis for future disciplined living.

I think I was a little older than Jacob when my dad sat down with me and gave me my first set of Scripture Union notes to use each day, but Jacob's interested in doing it now, and if he's going to do it, I want to help him start in a way that he will sustain.

But this is all new to me! I need some advice from you as to how to go about it. What approach have you tried in helping your children to start reading the Bible and praying on their own? Was there some structure or advice that you gave them? Were there resources you found useful? Any mistakes you made that you'd be keen to warn us against?!

Looking forward to hearing from you!!

Photo by GeoWombat.

Read more...

Hidden Art

I've just finished reading Hidden Art, by Edith Schaeffer. It was Dave's Nana's old copy that was originally published in the 70s - but has since been republished under a new title - The Hidden Art of Homemaking (I don't really get why they've added 'homemaking' to the new title, because it really is more broad in focus than that).

Anyway, I loved it. While it is a little dated, I felt like I was reading the words of a kindred spirit. The book is a call for all Christians to live artistically, aesthetically and creatively in our everyday lives. She defines 'hidden art' as the "art found in the ordinary areas of everyday life". Her main argument is that we are God's creatures, and he has made us to be creative in our different ways.

I'm not entirely convinced by the argument that being made in the image of the Creator necessitates being creative. Not every attribute of God the Creator is shared by us as humans, and I can't see any logical or Biblical reason why 'creativity' has to be one of the elements of how we are God's image. I do think, though, that beauty, proportion, variety and so on - and a sense for beauty, proportion and variety - are part of the good world that God has made, and that we ought to receive and enjoy them as His good gifts and thank him for them.

One of Edith Schaeffer's main emphases in the book is her encouragement to her readers not to think that creativity belongs only in the public sphere, but to see the many different ways we can be creative in the normality of life. Here's a quote:

It is not that I feel the study of great art should be put aside, but simply that I feel it may be helpful to consider some possibilities all of us have of really living artisically, but which are often ignored. People so often look with longing into a daydream future, while ignoring the importance of the present. We are all in danger of thinking, "Some day I shall be fulfilled. Some day I shall have the courage to start another life which will develop my talent", without ever considering the very practical use of that talent today in a way which will enrich other people's lives, develop their talent, and express the fact of being a creative creature.

What I loved most was that she's talking about being creative with things as simple as cooking dinner and reading stories to your kids. I was totally inspired. You can expect to hear more about this!!

Read more...

About that flu...

As predicted, I did come down with it. I don't think I've been that sick in a looooong time, if ever (Dave agrees that I haven't since we were married anyway). It's a really bad flu. I don't remember much of Friday and Saturday as I was in bed with high fevers and slept most of that 48 hours. It was nice to wake up yesterday and just feel dreadful! :-)

Today I'm still feeling pretty awful but have managed to get up and have a shower and think I'll be able to lie on the lounge and see a bit of my family.

The timing has been fortunate in a lot of ways. Dave doesn't lecture Fridays and Mondays so it was a lot easier for him to take a sick day on Friday to look after me and the kids. Today he's at home too. Yesterday he was busy all day, so my mum and dad came around to help. They were kind enough to take Rebecca to her preschool church service. Her class had been practising lots of songs from this album to sing and she was really looking forward to it, so it was nice she didn't miss out. And mum brought around her box of tricks, which kept them occupied all afternoon, which was a treat for them...

Read more...

Poetry Monday

This week's Dylan Thomas poem is another of the ones quoted in The Edge of Love (just the second stanza, I think). For an added bonus, you can listen to Dylan Thomas reading it himself below.




In My Craft or Sullen Art

In my craft or sullen art
Exercised in the still night
When only the moon rages
And the lovers lie abed
With all their griefs in their arms,
I labor by singing light
Not for ambition or bread
Or the strut and trade of charms
On the ivory stages
But for the common wages
Of their most secret heart.

Not for the proud man apart
From the raging moon I write
On these spindrift pages
Nor for the towering dead
With their nightingales and psalms
But for the lovers, their arms
Round the griefs of the ages,
Who pay no praise or wages
Nor heed my craft or art.

Read more...

When my kids are sick

You've probably noticed that there's been a bit of sickness in our family over the last couple of weeks. Yesterday Rebecca finally succumbed and I think I might be next. I hate that cycle of sickness that you get into when you have young kids who inevitably pass things on to each other. But I always find that at times like these I learn a thing or two. Here's what I've learned (or been reminded of) this week:

* There are no viruses in Australia at the moment that cause fatal bleeding from the gums and nose.

* I always need to depend on God to get through my days. When the kids are sick I'm more conscious of my weakness. This week, as I've woken up and prayed about my day, I've been a little less confident in my own strength and a lot more willing to beg for his help to make it through!

* I really love my kids and it makes me miserable to see them miserable. They are such a blessing.

* Having kids that are sick provides me with a wonderful opportunity to make happy memories!

* Comforting and caring for my children is an important part of my role as their mum. When they are particularly dependent on me (like this week), it helps me refocus my priorities. With all the extra hours cuddling sick kids on the lounge, the house looks like a bit of a mess, and lots of other areas have probably suffered (like blogging) - and that's okay!

* I am a very selfish person - especially at 2am in the morning.

* Despite the fact that I like to plan everything, I am not control of my plans. I actually said "Lord Willing" earlier in the week when making plans (much to my friend's amusement)!

* We have been blessed with very healthy kids up to this point - something I should be thanking God for more.

As much as I've learned and been reminded of, I'm still looking forward to us all being well again soon (Lord willing!).

* Photo is of the kids a few weeks ago - back in the pre-flu days!!

Read more...

Shutting the door

Six months ago, Dave and I changed our morning routine. Previously, we had tried various strategies for daily prayer and Bible reading, fitting them around work and children into the cracks and crevices of the day. For me, this meant when the children were resting, or otherwise occupied, or asleep at night. Some of these strategies worked better than others. Finally, though, when none of these cleverer approaches delivered the constistency and quality of time that we needed, we decided to bite the bullet and go back to the old-fashioned, unoriginal approach: we would simply take turns to for each of us to look after the kids in the morning while the other shut the bedroom door and spent some decent time alone in Bible reading and prayer.

To start with, it gave me pangs of guilt. I often feel a little self-indulgent taking some precious time to go off on my own to read the Bible and pray, when there's so much other Martha-stuff that needs doing around the house. But now there was the added guilt that came with the fact I was so brazenly shutting the door in the children's faces and choosing Bible reading and prayer over extra time with them. It felt almost cruel, especially when there were tears being shed on the other side of the door!

Then the other morning we got a first glimpse of the kindness in the cruelty. Dave was about to go and read his Bible and Jacob announced that he wanted to read his Bible too. So, he went to his room with his Bible and shut the door. He was still reading when I got back from my walk 20 minutes later (and announced to me that he had read 'Adonijah makes himself king' and 'The plan to kill Jesus').

Jacob reads books all the time, and enjoys reading his Bible, but it was the door-shutting that made this time stand out, and reminded me of how much our actions and routines communicate to our children. Of course, early mornings and door-shutting are not the only way to achieve the same result (or to communicate the same message) - Susannah Wesley famously managed to do it with an apron over the head! But in our case I'm thankful for this accidental lesson taught to the kids, and I'm starting to feel a little less guilty in the mornings when the door clicks shut and I experience my tiny, daily taste of Luke 14:26.

Read more...

Better than Magic

I've had a few prayer-related conversations with my children over the last couple of weeks. I was reflecting on these conversations when I read this section of Noel Piper's book Treasuring God in our Traditions. Amongst other things, I found it a useful reminder of how prayer to a wise and sovereign God is better than prayer as a magical power to make your wishes come true:

“Please protect us as we travel today,” we prayed before we left the motel. Hours later a sudden, raucous clanking drove us to the road’s shoulder, miles from the nearest exit. Abraham was only ten, but watching us peer under the hood, he knew what to do. “I think we should pray.” And so our family stood with heads bowed, whipped by the gusts of speeding traffic, and asked God to help us.

When we opened our eyes, a pickup had stopped. The driver was a mechanic who diagnosed the problem in a moment—our water pump was shot. How would we get a new one? Everything was closed by now, and we had no transportation anyway. No problem. He drove to the twenty-four-hour truck stop where he worked, got the part, brought it back, and installed it right there beside the freeway.

On the road again, we thanked Abraham for pointing us toward God, “a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). And we thanked God for answering our roadside prayer for help.

“But what about our prayer at the motel?” Abraham’s daddy asked. “Why didn’t God answer that prayer when we asked for protection?” By the time we found that night’s motel, we were still discussing how God works through our prayers. We realized we had even greater things to thank him for, because he had shown himself to us more clearly than if nothing had happened.

He had kept us safe—only the car was broken. He had reminded us to pray, giving us the privilege of leaning on him for help. He brought us a mechanic with ability, with access to the part we needed, and with time and willingness to help. That also gave time for conversation with the man about our amazing God and the way he works.

Before we slept, we knew our prayers would be bigger in the morning, because God always has more to show us than we know to ask for. We knew more about God because we had talked with our children about God when we were driving along the freeway, today’s version of “walking by the way” (Deuteronomy 11:19). (pp. 46-47)

* Pic is from stockxchng.

Read more...

Happy (belated) birthday Google

Yesterday was the search engine Google's 10th birthday. Google has changed our lives in so many ways, including the amazing boost that it has given to the natural human capacity for hypochondria and paranoia. I was reminded of this last night, in an experience that was my own personal 10th birthday celebration of the wonderful possibilities of Google.

Last night (about an hour after she had gone to sleep) I heard Elsie crying. I went in to check on her and found her head covered in blood. It was caked onto her face and was all over her pajamas and sheets and blankets. I couldn't tell where the blood was coming from - whether she had vomited it, or had a nose bleed, or something else. At that point, I must admit, I did panic a little. I got Dave out of Bible study and we ended up deciding that because she had been sick all day (I wondered if it was a side effect of the virus or the medicine she was taking), he had better take her to the hospital.

Despite the kind offers of the guys in the Bible study group to stay and mind the kids while both of us went, we thought it would be easier if Dave took Elsie alone, so I kissed them both goodbye and off they went. Then, instead of doing something productive, or praying for my little girl, I sat down at the computer, and googled various combinations of "blood", "virus", "child", etc etc. The most freaky results came with "bleeding nose virus" when I got these hits:

New virus causes deadly bleeding (ABC News in Science)

Unknown Virus Hits Yemen: Death by Profuse Nose Bleeding

At this stage I was getting more than a little irrational, but at least I had the good sense to STOP GOOGLING and go and get a cup of tea. Let this be a lesson to you all, my friends, Googling in these situations is ALWAYS a mistake. Tea is much more useful.

PS. It ended up just being a simple nose bleed... but she did have a lovely night out with her daddy.

Read more...

The Fathers' Business...

I'm excited about a new website that has just been launched called The Fathers' Business. It's aimed at encouraging dads in their role and was semi-officially launched a couple of weekends ago with a Q and A session with Mark Driscoll (which Dave said was excellent and will be posted on the site from Friday). We are friends with Tim Adeney, one of the masterminds behind the site, and he has some great thoughts on parenting, so I'm looking forward to reading the material they post. His first series is on the topic of 'how my children bless me'. Here's his intro:

Let’s get to the point. Children are a blessing, but it doesn’t always feel like it. And it’s true, they can be complicated, and it’s also true that it is sometimes much easier to put into words the things that are difficult (e.g. nappies, sleep, tantrums), than to put into words the joy they give.

So I thought it worth taking out a few moments over the next couple of weeks to stop and reflect on how children are a blessing; both when they are what I like to call a “complicated” blessing and also when the blessing is more straightforward to perceive.

You can read the rest here...

Read more...

Kingdom Families

IX Marks has published a series of articles on the family in this month's e-journal, including an article called "Wanted: Kingdom Families", which is a very challenging explanation of why families need to be prepared to go overseas to carry out the great commission in Matthew 28:

Jesus' charge in Matthew 28 calls all followers—even families—to make disciples. Nonparticipation is not an option. It is impossible to be followers of Jesus and understand the Bible but not participate in the spread of the gospel. The Bible is about God's plan for the nations! Families should work to push aside their worries and go. As they become willing to go, churches should be willing to send out their best families for the sake of the Kingdom. They can also send out singles in tandem with families for working together on teams overseas.

God never guarantees that all things will work out well in the world. The history of missions has some tragic stories of families overseas. However, God does promise that his Kingdom is worth giving whatever he asks and going wherever he calls, whatever the cost. Following Jesus means surrendering to his greater plans and purposes, giving our lives to further his kingdom on earth. Consider Jesus' words:

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it (Matt. 13:44-46).

Lots to think about (especially for a worrier like me!)...

Read more...

Poor little Elsie

Elsie was feeling so sick today that by mid morning she had fallen asleep standing up. Here's a picture:

Read more...

Loving my Children...

We're into our second week of sickness in the Starling family. It's the second Monday in a row when Jacob hasn't been well enough to go to school, and now Elsie's got a fever. The longer this goes on the harder it gets to get up in the middle of the night to comfort a feverish child, and to be honest, I'm a little sick of wiping runny noses! But I've been reminded this week that Titus 2:4 instructs us to love our children, and that involves more than just begrudging service. According to Carolyn Mahaney in Feminine Appeal, it involves a "tender, affectionate and passionate love". You can read a few more thoughts on this chapter in my post at EQUIP book club today.

I took the picture of Rebecca last Friday... it gives you a bit of a feel of what life looks like in our family at the moment... Notice how she's managing to play a game at the same time as care for her dolly? I wish I could multi task like that!

Read more...

Poetry Monday

I thought that I'd share one of Dylan Thomas' better known poems this week. It's tempting as a Christian to try and cover over the awfulness of death, because of the wonderful things that lie on the other side. (There's that line in the hymn about 'kind and gentle death' for example.) And certainly there's not the faintest hint of resurrection hope in this poem. Still, if John 11:33 is anything to go by, I think there ought to be at least something of this poem in the way we feel and think and speak about death as Christians. What do you think?

Do not go gentle into that good night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Read more...

Like Mother, like Son

Sometimes your kids do things that are just plain scary, because they remind you so much of yourself. Of all my kids, I think Jacob is probably most like me in temperament (maybe it's because we're both the eldest child in our families?).

On Tuesday evening, after being at home sick on Monday and Tuesday, Jacob was a little anxious about whether we'd be able to get back successfully into the morning routine should he be well enough for school the next day. So, being his mother's son, he decided the way to solve the problem was a to do list!

Read more...

Prayer v. Panadol Pt 2

Poor Jacob. Neither Panadol nor prayer has prevented him from being a very sick boy this week. Despite a little improvement earlier in the week, he then went waaaaay downhill fast and spent today on the lounge feverish and lethargic (I took him to the doctor this afternoon - and he's got a bad case of the flu).

Rebecca and I were about to pray tonight before she went to bed, and I suggested that we pray that Jacob got better, and that the rest of us don't catch what he's got! It was her turn to look horrified: "I don't want to pray that!". Her reason (a bit like her brother's) was that "I want to get sick like Jacob, because then I wouldn't have to have a bath." (Jacob was falling asleep by 6 tonight and we put him to bed without a bath).

We wait eagerly for the next instalment in this series, from Elsie!

Read more...

And speaking of husbands...

I've written a post about what it means to 'love your husband' at EQUIP book club....

Read more...

The Erec and Enide phenomenon

Here's a passage from the Arthurian Romances of Chretien de Troyes, in which he describes the beginning of the 'happily ever after' for the knight Erec and his lady, Enide. Except it's not so happy, as you'll see...

But Erec loved her with such a tender love that he cared no more for arms, nor did he go to tournaments, not have any desire to joust; but her spent his time in cherishing his wife. He devoted all his time to fondling and kissing her, and sought delight in no other pastime. His friends grieved over this, and often regretted among themselves that he was so deep in love. Often it was past noon before her left her side; for there he was happy, say what they might. He rarely left her society, and yet he was as open-handed as ever to his knights with arms, dress, and money. There was not a tournament anywhere to which he did not send them well apparelled and equipped. Whatever the cost might be, he gave them fresh steeds for the tourney and joust. All the knights said it was a great pity and misfortune that such a valiant man as he was wont to be should no longer wish to bear arms.

He was blamed so much on all sides by the knights and squires that murmurs reached Enide's ears how that her lord had turned craven about arms and deeds of chivalry, and that his manner of life was greatly changed. She grieved sorely over this, but she did not dare to show her grief; for her lord at once would take affront, if she should speak to him. So the matter remained a secret, until one morning they lay in bed where they had had sport together. There they lay in close embrace, like the true lovers they were. He was asleep, but she was awake, thinking of what many a man in the country was saying of her lord. And when she began to think it all over, she could not keep back the tears...

"Alas, woe is me that I ever left my country! What did I come here to seek? The earth ought by right to swallow me up when the best knight, the most hardy, brave, fair, and courteous that ever was a count or king, has completely abjured all his deeds of chivalry because of me. And thus, in truth, it is I who have brought shame upon his head, though I would fain not have done so at any price."

I'm not a huge fan of getting your theology from Disney Princesses and Knights of the Round Table. But it did seem to me that this little scenario from Erec and Enide is one that still gets played out today: you marry a guy because of qualities you see in him when he's out killing dragons and so forth - driven, competitive, unbalanced, obsessive, courageous qualities. And then you domesticate him and pull him in off the battle field so you can have him all to yourself, and you train all those qualities out of him; which seems wonderful for a while, until you realise that when you have him all to yourself he's no longer the dragon-slayer that you loved when you saw him from afar...

Or something like that - I'm not very good at this sort of 'knights and damsels' stuff!

Maybe it's something to do with what Christoper Ash says in this article:

the covenant love of the Creator for his people is a love that has the world, the whole created order, as its proper object; in loving his people with a jealous love he has in mind that that people should be a light to the nations and that through them blessing should spread more and more widely. But the moment we begin unquestioningly to treat marital intimacy as the primary goal of marriage we contradict this outward-looking focus and the project becomes self-defeating...

Pic from stockxchng.

Read more...

Benefits of going local

I was reading August's Sydney's Child magazine last week, when I came across an interesting article by a teacher about the advice she gives people when asked 'which (public) primary school to choose?'. Her conclusion (from an entirely secular, pragmatic vantage point)? In the absence of any compelling reason to the contrary, the local school is usually your best bet.

She explains that Principals come and go and so do teachers, so it is difficult to choose according to those factors. (This made me laugh because Jacob's teacher is 1st year out of Uni, and we have a new Principal this year; if we had made our decision based on last year's Principal and kindergarten teachers we would have been disappointed!). Instead, she suggests, you're better off going with locality as at least a default option in making the choice.

As I sat in the sun, and could hear Jacob's school bell for lunch in the background, I found that I could relate to some at least of what she said.

Last year, when we were new to the area, we didn't know much about the schools and just decided based on which was closest. At the kindergarten information night, the other mums were shocked that I hadn't 'shopped around' the public school system. Now, I admit I would have 'shopped around' if there was anything bothering us about our local school, and in many situations, Dave and I may well have opted for a different option, so please don't think I'm passing judgment on all people who don't choose the local school!! (Nor do I want to weigh into the whole home v. public v. private v. Christian schooling debate at this point.)

The 'local' factor is obviously not the only factor in choosing a school, but I think it is a factor, and a big one too. Here are the things that I love about living close to Jacob's school...

* We can walk there

That sounds pretty obvious, but there are quite a few things about this in itself that works for our family including:

- we can own only one car, which then reduces petrol and running costs etc, all of which saves money for the family (always a good thing when I'm not working);
- we obviously reduce our 'carbon footprint' a little (as the writer of the article says);
- it's good exercise!
- it takes just 10 minutes to get there, which means Jacob can be at home for longer in the morning and afternoon
- I have great conversations with my kids as we walk to and from school
- and I have conversations with other parents and kids and community members as I walk to school (honestly, I can't believe how much this happens!).

* I'm still close to Jacob during the day,

...which means he feels more secure going to school and I can be there for him quickly. When he forgets his lunch or something else, I can be there in 10 mins. This has happened a couple of times already, and I was so thankful I didn't have to drive half an hour in peak hour traffic on both these occasions!

* We can be involved in the school

I love the fact that I can get up there for assembly each week and volunteer for reading groups in his classroom and again, it's not difficult. Dave can get home from work, have dinner, then walk up to school in time for a school council meeting.

* We get to know people in our community

The people who I am meeting at and on the way to school every day are the people who live near us. This makes it so much easier to get involved in the local community and share our lives with those who live around us. We can invite Jacob's school friends around and they can walk to our place after school. I can invite the mums around for a cup of tea... All things that are good for their own sake, and especially good if you want to make Jesus known in your neighbourhood.

Pic from here.

Read more...

Prayer v. Panadol

In the early hours of the morning, a couple of nights ago, Jacob was suffering from a sinus headache ("an ache that turned into a drill in my head, which turned into a gunshot..."). Dave got up at one point and gave him some Panadol to help with the pain. After Jacob had drunk it, Dave suggested that he should pray with him, and ask that God would take away his headache.

Jacob immediately looked horrified and said "No, don't do that!!". Puzzled, Dave asked why not, and Jacob explained that "When I'm sick I stay home from school and mummy lets me watch videos!".

Not sure whether to feel glad about his faith in the power of God or worried about his magical view of the efficacy of prayer. (Nor, for that matter, am I sure how to feel about his preference for being sick and watching videos at home with me over getting well and going off to school...)

Pic from here...

Read more...

Feminine Appeal at EQUIP book club

This month, I'm writing the posts on Carolyn Mahaney's book Feminine Appeal, for the EQUIP book club. Here's a paragraph from my first post:

Over the last decade or so, since I first got married, I have become increasingly convinced of the desperate need in our churches for the kind of ministry described in Titus 2:3-5 and celebrated and modelled in this book.

The culture we live in is constantly undermining what the Bible tells us about how we are to live our lives as women who follow Jesus. Our churches ought to be places where we help each other resist that pressure and learn how to be creatively, intelligently, joyfully counter-cultural in the details of our lifestyle.

In reality, most of the time in our contemporary church culture, several factors converge to prevent us from doing anything serious of this nature. In our church gatherings and small groups, more often than not, we separate ourselves off into narrow generational bands, segregated from those whose example and encouragement we need most. And just when we're in a position to begin mentoring younger women ourselves, we let ourselves get sucked into a maelstrom of busyness that prevents us from any serious ministry of discipleship and encouragement to the generation coming through behind us.

The women's ministries that we do run are often fluffy, emotional and purposeless, or else they're abstract and generic Bible studies with little real application to the specifics of our lives as wives and mothers. Our tentative forays into application are stymied by our fears of the gender-political minefields that we would need to walk through to get to anything concrete and practical; these fears are magnified by the self-protective, competitive instincts that drive us to hide away from anything that would make us feel guilty about how we're doing.

That's why I was so overjoyed to discover a book like Feminine Appeal...

Read more...

Poetry Monday

Dave and I went to see The Edge of Love last weekend, which is a movie about the Welsh poet, Dylan Thomas. It focussed mainly on the complicated relationship between him, his wife and his childhood sweetheart. One thing that struck me while watching it though was how beautiful his poetry was - and yet how tawdry his life was, in so many respects (even when you make allowances for the way the film misrepresented him at a few points).

Anyway, while there was much in the movie about his personal life which is was definitely not attractive, I do love his poetry, so I thought I'd choose some of his poems this month. The first one I've chosen is Love in the Asylum - a poem that featured prominently in the film, with the suggestion that it was written for/about Vera Phillips and her time sharing a house with the Thomases.

Love In The Asylum
by Dylan Thomas

A stranger has come
To share my room in the house not right in the head,
A girl mad as birds

Bolting the night of the door with her arm her plume.
Strait in the mazed bed
She deludes the heaven-proof house with entering clouds

Yet she deludes with walking the nightmarish room,
At large as the dead,
Or rides the imagined oceans of the male wards.

She has come possessed
Who admits the delusive light through the bouncing wall,
Possessed by the skies

She sleeps in the narrow trough yet she walks the dust
Yet raves at her will
On the madhouse boards worn thin by my walking tears.

And taken by light in her arms at long and dear last
I may without fail
Suffer the first vision that set fire to the stars.

Read more...