Book Review: Open Heart, Open Home

Karen Mains' book 'Open Heart, Open Home' has influenced many women in terms of how they practise hospitality (it was originally published in 1976). Since I've been doing a lot of thinking about hospitality lately, I thought it was about time I read it (since it is meant to be a bit of a classic!). After reading it, I can see why so women have found it helpful - mostly, because she is passionate about hospitality and helps the reader us to see why hospitality is so central to the Christian life.

One of the strengths of the book is the way that Mains helps us to see that the way many of us view hospitality is all wrong. This was the book, I suspect, that first popularised the distinction between hospitality and 'entertaining':

For most Christians, however, taking in anyone in need, even one's own family, is a radical step. Many who say they follow Christ have no comprehension of the basics of hospitality. We have allowed the world to squeeze us into its mold. We think in terms of entertaining as a woman's chance to demonstrate her skill and the quality of her home. Entertaining has little to do with real hospitality.

Secular entertaining is a terrible bondage. Its source is human pride. Demanding perfection, fostering the urge to impress, it is a rigorous taskmaster that enslaves. In contrast, scriptural hospitality is a freedom that liberates. (p. 29)

Entertaining focuses on impressing others. Hospitality, on the other hand seeks to minister and serve. Keeping this distinction in mind helps us to liberate us from feeling we must always serve gourmet food and have a clean house to invite others in. As Mains argues - it's quite the opposite - if you allow yourself to let go of these things and think of others first, you will allow them to see you as you truly are and have genuine fellowship and friendship with your guests.

Another strength of the book is the way that Mains helps the reader understand that we need to view everything we have as gifts from God - to be used in our daily service to him. Once we see our time, money, children, house this way, this frees us to ask the question of how we can best use these gifts to serve God. I thought her suggestion to do a log of activities (including TV watching) and money spent for a few weeks and then sitting down and asking the question 'Does this please God?' was very helpful.

I thought this book also had some good thoughts in it about the role of hospitality within the family. She describes the positive effect of frequent hospitality on the lives of her children and stresses how much children learn from engaging in hospitality side by side with their parents. She writes:

When children live in an hospitable home, they begin to share the telltale marks. Not only do they learn the tools of hospitality -- clearing tables, filling water glasses, greeting people at the door, taking their coats, finding toys for younger guests--they become familiar with the spirit [of hospitality] as well. (p. 91)

Her thoughts on evangelism and the way that we, as Christians shelter ourselves (and our children) against the influences of the world, rather than inviting them in, were also very challenging (p. 32).

In the last few chapters of the book, she also offers a lot of practical advice based on her years of experience of opening her home to others. While I wouldn't necessarily employ all of them, on the whole, I thought her tips would be helpful in implementing the simple and genuine vision of hospitality she described. Rather than list some of the better ones now, I'll discuss some of them next week when we share hospitality tips.

Although I found much to agree with in this book, there were a few points at which I did disagree. The chapters on the Holy Spirit, for example, were pervaded by the writer's 'second blessing' experience/theology. For readers who find hospitality a struggle (and who doesn't?!) the subtext seemed to be that the answer is to pray for a one-off, post-conversion 'filling' of the Spirit and the 'spiritual gift' of hospitality, after which opening heart and home will be 'easy'.

These problems aside, I did find this book incredibly helpful in thinking about the place and importance that hospitality must have in the Christian life. The writer's passion for the subject is contagious and helped me to see the way that Christian hospitality (as opposed to entertaining) should look. True hospitality puts away its pride. It looks at the other person and not at ourselves. It seeks to minister. It says:

'This home is not mine. It is truly a gift from my master. I am his servant, and I use it as he desires'. Hospitality does not try to impress but to serve.

I do recommend this book for the way in which it helps the reader to understand this truth and encourages them to live it out in their daily lives.